With the recent sharing of an Instagram story about a boy’s locker room talk, we finally have the proof of the elephant in the room. There are photographs of participant lists, messages, and women that these young boys objectified. Delhi Commission for Women(DCW) conducted an inquiry on the case and the Delhi cyber crime cell found several similar chats and groups.

Retaliation occurred, virtual apologies, demands to remove stories, and threats to remove names ensued. Moreover, exposing further “girl locker room”, similar Snapchat, Reddit, Instagram pages all accused to be objectifying women and promoting rape culture. The case further revealed that the Snapchat conversation suggesting gangrape of a minor was started by a girl (her own self ) posing as the boy, who denied participation in the act previously. New perspectives were drawn, claims were made that this was the new “Me Too” for school children. Once again, we witnessed the quintessential “feminist bashing” “men vs women” arguments, while the elephant hid in the bush.

Though we might dismiss it as the uncivil way in which some boys behaved, it might not be as simple. It is not just this group or a set of people, rather we all have witnessed the locker room talk at some point. Hot or not lists, boys standing right below the stairs to see the areas below the skirts, girls claiming themselves to be cooler and unlike other girls, dissing each other’s appearances, siding with men in their talk about female bodies, berating other women on breast sizes and butt roundness. All of this has been seen and participated in!

Tracing this back to my adolescent years, I remember boys taking their phones aside and giggling while listening to “Honey Singh’s Volume 1-3”, “Kash koi mil jaye (Faadu) 2”. Once a very “progressive” boy who felt why girls shouldn’t enjoy the vile track, made me listen to it. I couldn’t understand much, the words didn’t make sense but I definitely knew it was about our bodies. I ran home feeling ashamed and disgusted. Every time any of those boys walked past me, I would look down. Funny how none of it was my fault, yet I was the one hiding around.

When I turned 20, I met a guy who told me that he heard this really vulgar song about a rape fantasy when he was super drunk, that was his go-to song. By now I was fed up with the world objectifying women and I had to take it head-on. I asked him to let me listen to it but he refused. I said why don’t you tell me the words used in the song, why don’t you sing it to me. He said he couldn’t. I told him to write those down, he couldn’t do that either. He felt shame in doing either of these. I questioned, “The song you cannot even sing out loud and feel such shame in sharing, what is the point of such music?” Calling the act out, made him eventually move to a better song!

Sexualising women, objectifying their bodies has been a favorite trend for years in the media, forever percolating in our brains. This mere act, a song, a word, a scene in an advertisement or movies makes these young boys believe that a woman’s body is conquerable. Over the years, we have come to hold and carry forth this misconception as an inheritance. How do you even expect to bring a change in the perverted mentality of objectification when our prominent media treats women as Tandoori murgi (chickens) to be swallowed with alcohol, or Afghani Jalebi, Chikni Chameli, Baby doll sone di and many more absurd comparisons that make us go ech!!

The reactions to the locker room incident showcase the perpetuated mindset. A very disturbing video surfaced later of this young boy, a blogger on Instagram (his words) “Nobody is denying that the boys did wrong, but ye ladkiyon ko bhi toh aise photos nahi dalne chahiye the. Kyu apne followers ke liye dalti hai, ab koi bhi le sakta hai na.” (Nobody is denying that the boys did wrong, but these girls shouldn’t have posted such pictures of themselves. They put it for followers, now of course anyone can take them). Huh!

We live in a world where body measurements are done by the perverted gaze despite what a woman wears. As an FYI here, in any case of assault, molestation, or even cyber abuse, as a society we blame the victim, we snatch away a girl’s freedom to go out, to own a phone, to be online and to post pictures. We seldom blame the men. Well, one may definitely speak out against this list of boys, but may I bring it to attention that this list is not even half representative of the scale at which the “Boy Locker Room Talk” happens. We cajole this behavior by saying, “Aah boys will be boys.” *teaching our boys, that they are synonyms for perverts, and the behavior is expected out of them. Though a thousand might disagree, but ironically, the most trusted men in our lives will warn us against the other men in the world, while nobody would call out this perverted behavior. But wait… what happens to those who do?

In one of TARA’s Gender workshops, I came across a girl whose brother openly opposed the locker room talk. He was bullied, beaten for a long time, had no friends, and finally decided to shift schools. Forgive me if I die of hysteria here, because women suffer for the sins they did not commit, while the sinners actually get to keep their power and look cool? It is not a surprise when I hear instances of women being molested at concerts, young men shagging away to glory in buses or the multiple incidences of rapes and molestation among best friends and within families. And yet the women feel dirty.

It is this inconsequential misconception of owning women bodies that helps boys and girls escape and fearlessly make public Instagram pages, harass in broad daylight, and even practice abuse with such confidence. Each day despite all the uproar and fight, some women shall tearfully lie down and fear to speak out. I may go to the length to say, these incidences might continue till each member of the new society is sensitized about Gender, taught about male and female bodies, changes at puberty, and nurturing relationships. It is essential to ward off sexualization, and critically see the problem with the representation of women in pop culture. Parents and the School are the earliest agents of socialization for a child, and this is where we bring the change. Hold the sons accountable, educate the rights of their own bodies to women, teach consent, talk about abuse, and calling out sexism right when and where we see it. It is a revolution, we can’t deal with the wait for another 2000 years for a safe and inclusive environment for all. We have to have it!

Written By: Kavya Bhola
About the Author
Kavya Bhola is the Founder-Director of the TARA Foundation. You can always catch her in action creating quirky on-spot activities to challenge unconscious gender bias or singing along a ukulele with a voice that needs no microphone. She is building TARA as a fearless revolution towards a gender-equal world.